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wrong person, wrong time

There is nothing in this world that is faulty-free, not even love. I often thought I had met a very good guy at the wrong time. But, to think back, if the person is the right guy, it wont be in the wrong time. Everyone who comes into our life brings something with them. Some brings memories, some brings happiness, some brings hatred, however some can bring only sadness.  Soal jodoh ini ketentuan si Dia yang Maha Menentukan segala sesuatu. Tbh, Im not confident I can find love for me in the nearest time. Bak kata Tv3, “laki baik semua dah takde mak”. Yang ada pulak, taknak kita. This post particularly nak vent out je. So I was talking with this friend I hadnt met since SPM and we were just starting our routine on weekly badminton session. Tiba2 1 of the friends buka topic yg agak berat. As someone who filters which news or story to tell to people, I was taken aback tersangat. But Im also not good at telling people off in real life. So I just answered it. Then it came to a conclusion whe
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end of year….end of the very year….

crazy…it’s finally the end of the year..nak buat thoughts dump pun jenuh nak karang because this year…A WHOLE LOT of things happened idk how i survived wheeeew tapi citer je la ek. bermula dengan kena buang kerja before christmas break last year(dah la baru balik Sabah 2 hari before😭), sampai lah ke cerita hati rasa dah healed sikit2 sbb finally, aku rasa aku dapat closure that i need for those freaking 12 years. gila. sumpah boleh jadi drama. i was being fired in 24 hours, dia cam trauma sikitz bila company yg kerja skrg asyik cakap pasal goals in coming years sbb company dulu tu camtu. management too ambitious nak expand last2 cost makan diri and takleh reverse sbb building is a tangible thing yang costed way more than my gaji in a year LMAO. so bermula la episod cari kerja in 2 weeks sbb taknak new year unemployed 😤 but yeah. rezeki tu milik Dia. unemployed for 1 month and awal feb dah kerja. gaji naik 30%.  pastu kerja kedua tu stress nak mampus wei. kena kerja sampai jam 5 pagi.
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i wonder if hatred would eat me alive

i think..i have consumed too much of hatred that it is a part of me now, not a part but rather, more than half of me. Being an adult makes you realize a lot of awful things and I've never been okay since.  To make it worse, I have expected them to do that things but still when it happened, I cant help but to feel super disappointed and hate them for it. How easy for someone to do something awful or to say something VERY FUCKING awful yet have the audacity to act as if they are the saint-est of all, or act the next day as if they are fine with that. I hate these kinds of people, yet at the very same fucking time, I hate that I have to hate them. I have lots of verbal traumas that I know exactly which words gonna hurt the most when said out loud but I caught myself saying those too, and I fucking hate myself to the point I think it will eat and unalive me. Me throwing these words here, I hate that part of me too. But I just cant. I dont know where else to write or to let out.  These
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the road is long, and often it's lonely

as the title sounds, this phase of life feels so long, and it's dreading because I often feel lonely. The trickiest thing about this feeling is that, I will definitely feel that when I have a super long day at work, and by long, it's not the time, but the work(I have a strict no work life attitude before 10am and after 7pm on weekdays). When I'm overwhelmed, I dont feel good easily. I CANT to be precise. No matter how I push myself to feel happy, it can never reach my mental when I'm overwhelmed. And to make it more toxic, I am the one who decide that.  It's so energy draining. So I try-and-error all know-hows on how to fix that, and I!! found it!! I have to sneakily get out at odd hours(e.g when people are going home from office/when people are at work/sunset) and go get my own time. Even if it meant to eat McD in my car. Once I have that time(probably an hour or so) to myself, I'll be functional again. It' like the broken parts are healed, the world seems
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My thoughts...or is it yours as well?

Food for thoughts: Is now the right age to get married? Skipping years of not writing anything here, I want to reintroduce myself. I am now 24, graduated last year in April 2021. I've got a job in the food tech industry, approximately 2 weeks after graduated. Fast forward, it's almost a year since I started working. I haven't been in any relationships before, but yes I've liked someone so dearly and been rejected twice. I believed I had moved on though. And....my parents have been trying to have this proper conversations with me. With proper conversations I meant...they have been asking me to date and get married, by latest next year. And I...at this moment I dont really know what I should do haha. But I get along with them and said yes, I am doing my very best to search for someone I like.  But the thing is....is now really the right age for me to get married? I mean, I...I dont event like to lipat kain when I had a rough day at work. I want to fully rest without doing
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you.

Will words convey this deepest thoughts? I dont know, I will just try instead. Hi, it's been awhile. Nothing much, I just want to write you a simple post. These are the words that will never get to you. This, a feeling.  So much things are on my mind right now, to whether type this out or not, we'll see to the end on how far would I be transparent in public. Sometimes, things are better left unsaid. Never would I find someone like you again. You're my person, the one I considered among the best, the one I trust with. We're both in the same book and path, then after some time, I realized I had been given hints that you wanted to walk out from this chapter and jump to another chapter; which is the chapter that will never be found within this book of mine. As for that, I thank you. For actually putting up with this girl called 'Alyaa. May you walk out with ease mind. Fret not, you will always have this one spot in my mind and heart. Come back if you
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Feelings

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Is it really free to be having feelings? To be loved, to be appreciated Is it really cost 0$? If so, why is it so hard for someone to portray it? If so, why does one takes so long to grab it? If so, why does one has to have the guts to believe it? These, I leave.
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